5 Reasons why we should do nothing about the Russian occupation of Crimea

More than 50% of the Crimean population is welcoming Russia with open arms

It turns out that a good portion of the folks living in Crimea don’t self-identify as Ukrainian, but are rather “ethnic Russians” that live in the Ukraine.  Sort of like how we have a whole bunch of Mexicans here in the US that live here but still identify as Mexican. 

Pictured: Either ethnic Russians or Mexicans.
I'm not all that good with this stuff.  Where is Russia again?

 It seems that the remainder of the folks there aren’t thrilled that the Russians are there, but hate their own government just as much.  The general attitude toward the Russian occupation of Crimea by the people there, then, seems to be amounting to something between “AWESOME!” and “Meh.  Doesn't matter, I was getting effed with either way.”  This does not strike me as a very good reason to start rattling our saber.

Not that it'd really mean much these days, anyway.  

Russia has military bases there in Crimea, with the permission and support of the Ukrainian Government

America has military bases in Germany.  We have a large American population in Germany supporting those bases.  Imagine for a second that Germany underwent a massive political turmoil; a coup or revolt, similar to that in Ukraine. 

I know that's sort of hard to imagine.  Try really hard.

 Now, imagine America not doing anything to secure its interests and bases in Germany during this uprising.  It’s silly to argue that we wouldn’t do exactly what Russia is doing right now, under similar circumstances.  Now, further imagine Russia getting shitty with us and acting all outraged because we did so.

"How do you say it in America?  'I am your huckleberry?'
Is right, comrade?"

 Yeah, doesn't seem so outrageous now, does it?

Ukraine does not have any mutual protection treaties or agreements with the United States

Much ado has been made about a memo that was signed in 1994that supposedly gave Ukraine promises of US military protection in return for sending all of their Soviet-era nukes back to Russia.  The folks who read and misunderstood it think that it obligates us to intervene, when all it really does is obligate Russia to provide an explanation to the US for its action that is satisfactory to the US. 

"Uhh, we did it for freedom? Isn't that what you Americans always say?"

For instance, explanations like “we are there protecting an ethnic Russian population and Russian military interests that were in Ukraine legally under treaty,” will probably be sufficient for us to shrug and say “well, sounds good to me!”  At that point, we’ll have satisfied our requirements under the memo.  And rightfully so, and thank God, because…

There is no strategic reason for the US to invest blood and treasure into saving the Ukraine from Russian occupation, and a million reasons NOT to

The US doesn’t require a free and independent Ukraine for any reason at all.  We don’t get oil and gas from them.  We don’t trade that much with them (and in fact, trade a lot more with Russia than Ukraine).  They don’t hold a strategic position in world trade routes that we need to fear Russia gaining control of.  In short, there is nothing in the Ukraine that the US would have a vested interest to protect.  Period. 

Pictured: Not strategically important to the USA.
Also, funnily enough, see how the Crimean Pennisula is not
shown as part of the Ukraine here?  Ooooh, Nostradamus-ey! 

The entirety of Ukraine is not worth the blood of one Kentucky National Guardsman, much less the Crimean Penninsula, and the cold, bloody truth is that we’d lose much more than that if we were to start playing “brinksmanship” with Russia over this.  The last time we had a world war, 40 million people died as a direct result, and possibly another 100 million in the aftermath; and no one had nukes until the last second then, either.  Crimea is not worth it. Forget about the difficult logistics of getting troops and material to Crimea.  Forget about the fact that our military is already spread thin fighting a diffuse war in the middle east.  Forget about all of that, and think about this:

The largest nuclear power on Earth should not be confronting the second largest nuclear power on Earth over a questionable occupation of a peninsula somewhere that could be argued to be wholly justified, depending on how it is handled.   

The United States of America has allowed Europe to become indolent and dependent upon it for military purposes

There was a time, post-World War II, when Europe was rebuilding, and it made sense the US to lend its military to Europe for its own protection, so that it could spend money on rebuilding and not worry about being invaded again.  During the Cold War, Europeans mostly rode the US’s coattails for their own defense.  The majority of the military might of Europe came from US troops stationed there.  It wasn’t mainly German and French soldiers looking down the barrel of their rifles at the Fulda Gap, waiting for Kruschev’s army to come storming through, it was Americans. 

As a result, European countries have been able to afford socialized medicine and guaranteed salaries and benefits to its people, because they haven’t had to pay for a military.  They look down their noses at us, because we don’t have those things, and consider us base and low, but fail to understand that the only reason that they’ve been able to afford those things is because we’ve paid their way, defensively, for the last 70 years. 

Because "FREEDOM," bitches!

Enough is enough, I say.  Let Europe handle it this time.  We’ve got no vested interest.  Let those who DO have a vested interest do something about it.  Let those who depend on Russia for their gas and energy needs, because they’ve voted in legislation to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions and thus, gut their energy infrastructure, tell Russia to stop what they’re doing to secure the very oil and gas pipelines that serve their needs (which run right through the Ukraine, funny enough).  Let THEM deal with it.  Let THEM figure out how to project military force and might without the US for once. 

And if they can’t, I see no compelling reason that we should do it for them anymore. 

The United States needs to implement a new policy of “We are not the world’s police anymore, so fuck off.”

Being “world cop” has brought us nothing but pain, loss, grief, and expense, and all in return for everyone hating us.

So fuck them.  They want to hate what we’ve been doing for them?  Let them deal with it from now on. 

If something comes along that directly impacts US security, then take care of it, but until then, it shouldn’t be our problem anymore.