I’ve been there. Any man that has lived long enough has gained the ability of introspection. It is part of becoming wiser as you age. For instance, I’m wise enough now at 33 that I know that by the time I’m Borepatch’s age, I’m going to look back at myself writing this and think “Man, all the things that dumbass didn’t even know.”
The thing is that introspection is extremely important for self-improvement. You think about the things you’ve done, and take the time to look at the impact of your choices; the impacts they’ve had on you and on others. If you can’t look back and see what things you did that didn’t work so well, and decide not to do them again, and see the things that worked well, and endeavor to strive to that example, then you’ll be doomed to continue repeating the same cycle of mess-ups your entire life.
The problem with this is that it is often a painful process. No man likes to sit back and think about all the things he did wrong. He doesn’t want to consider that he may have left someone less well-off for his being there. He doesn’t like to look back at the things that he wishes he could take back, but cannot, or the things he wishes he had done, but now can never do. It is a painful thing, and that is why so few men do it. That is why so many men are failures at life, because in this, they take the easy route, also, like so many other things in the life of a failure. Never looking back. Never considering that they did wrong. Never accepting the fact that they could be better men if only they’d accept that they are not perfect and need work. Never understanding that their certainty of their own perfection is what is making them, in reality, far less than perfect.
Quality men like Borepatch do this on occasion. Sometimes it hurts. Most times, we wish it would stop. But it is a sign of a man who wants to be better; who accepts his own imperfections and chooses to fix them rather than ignore or accept them.
So, my advice to you men out there – accept and celebrate the self-awareness that comes with visiting with ghosts.
And to you women – don’t lose sight of the fact that your man, while appearing strong and less emotional in appearance, is actually themore emotional of the two of you, and when you see him fighting through a phase like this, where he is visiting with ghosts, don’t nag him, harry him, or push him away because you don’t understand what is happening. Hold him. He needs you.