Wednesday, August 20, 2014


Stress test went okay.  Apparently I’m not tolerating my anti-arrhythmic drugs very well, so the doc wants me to get off of them ASAP.  Which means surgery ASAP. 

Going in for another MRI tomorrow, for which they are planning to sedate me, because they want my heart to be beating as slowly as possible, and I’m claustrophobic, so keeping my heart rate down while shoved into a tiny tube is sort of hard without medicinal intervention. 

Apparently, they want the MRI for something to do with the surgery.  The surgery is on September 15th

Irony of ironies, the anti-arrhythmic drugs are actually causing an arrhythmia.  Something about elongating my QRS or something like that, which is apparently concerning since it indicates that the drug might be causing toxicity.  They are also making me tired.  So, so wretchedly tired and fatigued that I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning, and function during the day. 

I’m also depressed.  I realized that last night, too.  I’ve battled with depression occasionally in my life, but I’m afraid I’ve got a big one coming.  Maybe it’s already here.  I was cooking dinner last night and almost broke into tears over nothing.  Literally nothing.  I wasn’t even having trouble opening a jar or anything.  Just standing there, fresh off of an argument with a subcontractor who is not honoring his contractual obligations to my project, cooking dinner for my family, and this big sob just attacked me out of nowhere.  I managed to bottle it up and told Mrs. Goober that I’d just burned myself, no big deal, that’s why I “gasped”.    

I hope like hell that I can keep this from sticking around. 

I’m going to ask for the rest of the day off and go home for a while, to see if I can’t get my head straight.  Because right now I have no business trying to do business.  


  1. It's not surprising that you react with some emotion when life gives you a sucker punch. It's easy to say and hard to do, but take some time to do nothing, maybe with the family.

    "Sitting quietly, doing nothing: spring comes and the grass grows all by itself."

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