Thursday, July 10, 2014

More “kids these days” stuff.

So a few days ago, a breathless article was published about “stinky” millennials and how they won’t ever be able to get a job because they “value their cell phones more than they do deodorant.”  Apparently, a poll was created, which contained a certain question. The question was “Would you rather be denied access to your smart phone, or to your deodorant?”  Millennials, by vast majority, chose to keep their smart phones and eschew deodorant.  According to the article, this is apparently the reason that the millennial generation is plagued by unemployment problems.  Not because the Boomers tanked the fucking economy with their greedy and profligate ways, but because they would choose their smart phone over deodorant.

Okay, guys, this is just fucking reaching.  This damn “ZoMG the mullennialzz!” bullshit has gone too far. 

I have a smart phone that does pretty much everything I need from modern electronics, all crammed into a thing that can fit in my shirt pocket.  It can give me directions on how to get anywhere on Earth, it can answer any question I have with the endless well of knowledge that is the internet, it can entertain me with videos, message anyone I want instantly by text, voice, or video, and capture high-quality photos and videos of my most cherished family moments.  It also cost about $200.

I also bathe every day, and have a skin condition that is irritated by things that I put on my skin, no matter how hypoallergenic they may be.  The result?  I don’t wear deodorant every day.  Or even very often, unless I know I’m going to be in a situation where it might be needed (ie, site visits on hot days and so forth).  ZoMG!!!elevnty1!!!  How do I have a job?  Right? 

Truth be told, my smartphone is far more important to my job than my deodorant stick.  I find that I can control body odor without deodorant by, get this, taking a shower every morning.  If I had to give up one, I’d give up deodorant, hands down.  It is actually possible to not stink if you don’t use deodorant.  I know.  I do it nearly every day. 

The millennials polled in this article gave the right answer, and I can’t for the life of me figure out how the Boomer or GenX-er who wrote the article can possibly miss that. 

You give a person an option, and say “I will take away your $200 source for all the information, ever, and instant communications with anyone, anytime, either by message, voice, or video, etc…”

“I will take away your $1.99 stick of scented talcum powder and alum that is really unnecessary for modern life where showers can be had daily” and expect them, when given those options, to choose to keep the scented powder stick and shit-can the miracle device?

Then act all pearl-clutchey that they made the right choice?  


  1. I've got much more reasonable reasons for worrying about Millennials, I'm an old fart - it's my job - years from now, it'll be your job too :)

    It's not so much the deodorant, if they're bathing regularly it's really a non-issue. It's watching them come in to the restaurant or coffee shop in pairs or 3's and 4's and studiously ignore each other while they play with their phones. - On the up side, they're quiet. Then again - there are the Hipsters which - well let's not go there.

    The downside? It seems to be contagious - I see a lot of gen X doing it too.

    Kinda sad.

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