Life Gets in the Way

Posting has been a little light, I know.  Even for me. 

It’s been a little crazy around here for a bit.  Ever since the 3^rd of April when my heart decided to stop working right and start being a total fuckhead. 

Since then, I’ve been taking blood thinners, and some drugs to calm and normalize heart rhythms to keep me from stroking out.  I guess arrhythmia are bad about throwing clots, which was something I did not know until early last month.  Apparently, some 25 to 30 percent of strokes are caused by underlying heart arrhythmia.  So, yeah, I’m getting pretty good at bleeding, since it wouldn’t be like me to slow the hell down and be careful.  Remodeling the bathroom right now, and also getting the 4-wheelers ready for a poker ride this weekend.  Pounding nails and turning wrenches always leads to little cuts and scrapes, and mother, do they ever bleed when you’re taking blood thinners. 

"Xarelto!  So that you can bleed like a motherfucker out of a pin prick!
Ask your doctor today!"

Turns out that the arrhythmia that I have is very commonly caused by sleep apnea, so they sent me in for a sleep study, and turns out that I has it.  Apparently my breathing gets very shallow and irregular several times a night, causing my blood O2 levels to drop, which panics my brain, who shoots me with a dose of adrenaline, causes my heart to race like a formula one engine, until my blood O2 goes back up enough to calm it down, causing my breathing to get shallow and irregular until I get the adrenaline again.  Multiple times a night.  One can understand, when imagining it that way, why this has been hard on the Gooberticker. 

"Heh-heh, you just said 'hard on'!"

So Monday night I started CPAP therapy to fix the “shallow and irregular” part of my nighttime breathing.  It involves a mask that goes over my mouth and nose and a hose attached to a very fancy (read, fucking EXPENSIVE), humidifier-enhanced air compressor that forces compressed air down my lazy, stupid collapsed gullet and keeps my breathing from doing that stupid shit that causes me to slowly and painfully die over a period of years. 

All this, and I still have follow-ups, and the possibility of heart surgery later on down the road.  The total cost of this has already been enough to buy a new jet boat – glad I have good health insurance.  

"Mr. Goober, we just saved your life.  That will be ALL OF THE MONEY, EVER!"