How the left would LIKE for the first amendment to read:

The right to freedom of speech is really important.  It is so super important that everyone should, like, totally have freedom of speech.  Unless groups of people get together to use their free speech; those groups should not have freedom of speech, because only a PERSON should have freedom of speech, and PEOPLE are not a PERSON.  Except for unions, who don’t fall under the category of groups of people that shouldn’t have free speech, because they support causes that I like, so they are exempt.  Also, if a group of people has a lot of money, they should not have freedom of speech.  Again, except for unions, for the reasons listed above.  Finally, the right to freedom of speech is so important that we want to make sure it is protected to the fullest extent of the law, and that people who abuse their freedom of speech are likewise prosecuted or punished to the fullest extent of the law.