Scared and Confused

The more I think about my having lost my job, the more convinced I am that I got fired for having health issues.

It was a small business.  I'd only been there for 18 months when my problems started.  It affected my performance, yes, but also...

...the conspiracy-monger in me wonders how much the cost of their health plans went up as a result of my troubles.

Because there was no warning.  No attempt to counsel.  No attempt to help, despite my having asked for help in the preceding months (which was not easy for me, and if you know me, you'll understand how hard it was for me to ask for that help).

Guys like me are not easy to find.  Guys with my skill set don't grow on trees.  You'd think that they would have at least tried to work things out with me, but there wasn't anything.

And now I'm at a cross-roads.  I have fallen apart physically twice now, as a result of my job.  Once, back in 07 when my psoriatic arthritis first appeared and it nearly crippled me for four months, keeping me from being able to function normally, and necessitating my co-workers to step in and take over my duties for a month while I underwent treatment.

And now, in 2014 when my heart caused me to be a functioning zombie for 8 months, exhausted, constantly fighting arrhythmia and poor circulation, and feeling for the world like getting out of bed in the morning was equivalent to a full 8-hour workday.

But I can't help but notice that they kept piling on the whole time.  The same month that I went in for my heart surgery, for which i should have been out recovering fro two weeks, they dumped another 9 million dollars worth of work on my desk, when I already had 43 million to do (which is sort of borderline Herculean in this industry, and certainly not what I would expect from an unwell employee who was not firing on all 8 cylinders).

I'm pissed, and hurt, and scared now, too, because I have a family to support.  We have a new baby due in April, to make things even more fun.

So what the hell do I do now?  I am still wondering if General Contracting might not be a good job for me, given my propensity to stress-induced health issues (and the subsequent performance drop).  So I'm looking into subcontracting, or industry product tech rep, or any number of other things.  It will be a cut in pay to do any of these things, but maybe that's okay.

My dream job would be to start a pheasant hunting preserve and guide service like the Miller Ranch or Double Barrel Ranch, but the barriers to entry there would be so high - a guy needs to own a million dollars worth of land, alone, to build one of these.  Maybe I'll start talking to local farmers about a long term lease...